I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
