last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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