So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
