You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Boobs are out for the taking
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
