dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
