i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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