Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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