Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
