I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
