sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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