We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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