i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
