So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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