I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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