I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
