Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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