So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
