In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
