i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
