ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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