bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
