You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
