You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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