You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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