You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
