I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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