it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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