I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
