Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
