you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
