I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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