I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
