Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
