You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
