u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
