You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
do herpes really smell.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
