guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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