I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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