I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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