I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
