were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
