3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
