We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
