he shaved USA in his pubs
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You ate ashes out of my bong