Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
