Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block