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I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night