I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.