I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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