Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting

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(401): I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting http://tfl.nu/c988

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(845): View more from New York

Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier

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(845): Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier http://tfl.nu/ue73

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(917): View more from New York City

fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker

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(917): fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker http://tfl.nu/ivhi

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(561): View more from Florida

My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..

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(561): My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis.. http://tfl.nu/qf8b

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(847): View more from Illinois

Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party

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(847): Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party http://tfl.nu/77aw

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

Yes but- 100% agreed

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(617): I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick? (1-617): Yes but- 100% agreed http://tfl.nu/cz25

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(954): View more from Florida

hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.

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(954): hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot. http://tfl.nu/3jpd

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(817): View more from Texas

would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?

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(817): would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping? http://tfl.nu/hbh2

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(703): View more from Virginia

he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh

(1-703): View more from Virginia

be sure to add "office slut" to your resume

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(703): he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh (1-703): be sure to add "office slut" to your resume http://tfl.nu/3kje

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(469): View more from Texas

I will probably be peed on at some point today.

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(469): I will probably be peed on at some point today. http://tfl.nu/flw0

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(620): View more from Kansas

He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.

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(620): He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening. http://tfl.nu/b9i7

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.

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(610): She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her. http://tfl.nu/io76

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

By a pack of ravenous dildos

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(615): Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right? (1-615): By a pack of ravenous dildos http://tfl.nu/hx21

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(623): View more from Arizona

That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.

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(623): That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party. http://tfl.nu/6ozh

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"

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(814): Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!" http://tfl.nu/rgls

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