When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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