just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
