He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
