I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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