did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
