he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just gargled with NyQuil
A bitchslap is in order.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
