No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
