you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
