Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
