I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
