the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
