Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
