Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
