if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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