im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
