There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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