Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
