you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
