it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
