If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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