I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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