so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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